A Flame of Hope, set out to change the world.

About Me

I have a burden for my generation and the fire of hope for others who need it and encouragement, and of course I have a heart that wants to wholeheartedly change this world.

Blogs I follow:

1. Mind Blown. :)

   Wow. My mind is totally blown right now, from what God has done and blessed me with in the past few days. He gave me something, or brought it within my grasp, of the very perfect description of what I’ve been praying for, for so long. I’m not kidding you, this whole situation is exactly how I prayed it about and every quality in it, is every single quality I look for. I know I’ve been praying for God’s vision as to show whether or not it is legitimate and not just an old weary heart, looking too hard and too hungry, and I’ve had some pretty big confirmations in the past few hours. But now, to play the patience game, the game I know far too well. If this thing within my grasp is meant to be, this patience will pay off, hopefully soon, since I’ve waited 21 years for this to happen. I mean God has literally blown my mind with this. It’s like he molded this as I prayed for it. He truly does give us the deepest desires of our hearts if those desires are pure, that’s for sure. Anyways, I’m off for now. Next time I update, I may infact be overseas by then.

3 Notes

2. Taken for Granted.

   This deployment has helped me so much, spiritually, already. It has helped me see how much we truly do take for granted, in the civilian life.

   From eating good, hot meals, to having the liberty to drive your own car, to even being able to use the restroom somewhere inside a building, that’s only a few steps away.

   So, I challenge every reader of this, to evaluate your next couple of days to see how much you really take for granted, from simple daily tasks, to your friendships or being able to see family.

   I know these next 11 months, God will use me to draw me closer to Him, but to also make an impact in one of the biggest, hidden mission fields in our country.

   I love this and am ready! It took me having to sacrifice everything I took for granted to have a perspective shift, but I love it!

   I truly believe I am to follow footsteps similar to that of Joshua from the bible, especially since he was a soldier, and so am I.

   This post is more of a challenge. Try not to take your days for granted, to every little detail, and go out there and change this world. We’re all called to change the world, but in ways God has planned for us.

   I’ve got more brewing out of what God is showing me, to be posted later. I love how much He is pouring into me, to write this! Till later, I’ll keep you guys posted on my deployment as well, with what I am allowed to share. Some things I can’t share while there, for operational security.

1 Notes

3. Completely Broken, Then Made Whole

   Fear. Insecurity. Low self-esteem. Lack of confidence. Pessimistic. Down in attitude and on one’s self. Worried. Scared. Tired. Prideful. Infatuated. Naive. Annoying. Always tearing down one’s self from mistakes made. Emptiness. Loneliness. Acting with a front. Hiding under a mask. Mean. Hateful. Broken. Lusting over one of the opposite sex. Jealous. Sorrowful. Envious of others.

   All of these have been struggles in my life at one point or another. I constantly tore myself down for all of these, and felt far too imperfect to win the heart of anyone. Whether winning the heart of anyone meant friendship or relationships. I felt I wasn’t good enough for anyone, including God.

   I always dreamed of finding the right girl that would like me for who I am, and always thought I was far too lame for any girl, or too much of a nerdy/geeky loser. As far from manly as it sounds to some, I always was trying to find the “one”, and wanted to have someone who thought they would see that I was one of the nicest people in the world (or I thought I was one of the nicest).

   All of that is now past. It was how I tried to define myself. One huge thing I lacked though, was the knowledge of God’s love for us and the full knowledge of the victory Jesus won for us at the cross. Without Him, is basically living a blind walk. Without Him, we lack vision and full direction.

   So don’t be afraid to show Christ’s unconditional love to people. You’d be surprised who really needs it and how much God can use it to impact their lives.

   That is probably the simplest way to flow the Great Commission mentioned in both Matthew 28 and Mark 16, to truly show them Christ by how we actually put what we believe, into action.

   Through that love that I was shown, He made me whole again. I was completely broken, and a mess. Yet, He made me complete and whole and free. And He will send my woman of God one day, but not yet. I know she is the most beautiful girl in the world though and I’ve already got so much to tell her. And I will definitely give this Agape love, to her. All in all, we don’t need to focus so much on finding love or feeling good enough, because He makes us whole, and He is our ultimate lover. When we focus on Him instead of the opposite sex so much, that’s when everything will fall into place in His timing, not ours.

3 Notes

4. My Second Chance Story at life.

   For fair warning, this will be kinda long, so bare with me. I grew up in church most of my life. My father was at different points, a youth pastor and a pastor, before. I always slept in church at a younger age because I thought it was boring. I even struggled when I was in elementary and middle school because I hated it. As years went, I became more of someone who sat and complained, and was just getting lazy. It carried on into my early high school years, and I thought that it was enough to get by in life happy, for me. Eventually my laziness backfired to where I accidentally asked for info on the Army National Guard, and signed a few weeks later. As I graduated high school, I just got lazier and pushed my limits of what I could get away with. Within my first year of college, I didn’t give into partying and getting drunk, but I got into a relationship to where I was constantly giving myself away to her, to the point to where it was all I wanted to do, and lost feelings for anything to do with the relationship, but that. Then I started to try and live a life without God and tried to disprove Him and His existence. I was so consumed in pleasure that I was numb to the pain I was causing myself from running away from God. Then it took one simple night of taking a girl I was about to date, at the time, home. While driving her home, I fell asleep at the wheel, and drifted off into the medium. She pulled my hand to wake me up, and I woke up. I then tried to get back on the road, and as soon as I did, my car jack-knifed sideways into rolling on the interstate at 4 in the morning, going 65 mph. As soon as the car finished rolling, I was surprised by the fact that I didn’t feel any pain from flipping. I walked out with two small cuts, and that was it, despite all the windows of the window, being shattered, and my 4runner being totaled to where the EMTs said it looked like I should’ve been badly injured or dead I couldn’t believe I walked out fine. Well a turn of events over the days following, God spoke to me and said, “Do you believe in me now? It’s not your time to go yet. I’ve got some huge plans for you!”. He gave me a second chance at life and even gave me a clean slate to start with, in my walk with Him. He told me to start over from what I learned from church and to let Himself show me who He is, through Jesus and the victory won at the cross. I’ve grown so much since that summer, that I have realized a calling to speak and lead worship wherever I am lead. I helped lead worship at my old youth group for 5 years. I’m currently deployed with my National Guard unit to Afghanistan, but am currently at Mobilization training in Washington, until we get overseas in December. I will be gone from home and everything and everyone I know, for a year on this deployment. I will be going into ministry full-time, wherever God leads me, when He wants me to in His timing, after I get back. I have been gaining enough knowledge by listening to God and letting Him speak through me that I know that He wants me to help change this broken world and this fallen culture. So that’s what I’m going to do, somehow, when God shows me more of how. Had I not been given a second chance at life, I wouldn’t have had the amazing opportunity to see the world and to see God change lives through me and many others. This is my story of my great second chance. Jeremiah 29:11 says that God has plans for us, therefore, He’s not going to lead us astray. He’s got plans for you, no matter where you are in life and how you feel about life or anything else. Fear was my biggest problem, when it comes to even following Christ, because I knew it’s not all going to fine and dandy all the time, after you give your life to Him. But scripture says 211 different times that we shouldnt fear. Joshua 1:9 tells us that we shouldn’t fear or be discouraged and that He will be with us wherever we go. We shouldn’t fear as much, because He takes care of us when we trust in Him. So no matter how bad life may seem, and no matter how hard it may seem that you won’t get a second chance, don’t be afraid and know God has plans for each of us, and will give us second chances when we trust Him to.

3 Notes

5. Fractured, But Don’t Feel The Breaks

   Where to start? I honestly do not know. So here goes what I feel has been kept inside of me for far too long.

   Ever since I was 8, I always had an interest in the opposite sex. Back then, I crushed on a girl for quite some time. As I started to grow older and went through my middle school years, that interest grew, but in hopes of getting my first girlfriend. As I hit those years, I started to feel like a shy, loser, who was too lame to get any girl to like me. As I hit high school, I finally had my first girlfriend and it all went from there. The relationship didn’t last long, but it slowly started a build-up in my life. As I went through high school, I had one more girlfriend, then none, for a good bit, with several exceptions of me on the verge of dating several girls, all at different times, over that time period, which all added to the build-up.

   Then hit my year of college I spent at UNA, only to try and get her in trouble later. I was on the verge of somewhat dating another girl, but we never did. Then as the second semester rolled, I ended up dating someone from back home. One thing led to another, and I gave my virginity to her and gave myself away, to her, for more times than I could count.

   Over the time I dated her, I was so consumed with the enjoyment of being deep in sin, while proclaiming to follow Christ, that it led me to a dark place and eventually running from God and trying to disprove Him, while giving the girl I was with, the best I could while treating her better than I treated myself. Months later, she ended it with me, and I found another that I tried to call my lover. As far from masculine as it sounds, I always dreamed of finding the right one that I felt would be perfect for me and would be my best friend to walk with in life and in relationships with God, together, with them liking me for who I am. So I pushed this relationship, thinking she was “the one”, but that led to more of the build-up. Thankfully, I never gave myself to her like the one before her, but I did hurt her, emotionally.

   At the end of that, I went on tour got a week, on a ministry called Words of Warfare. It helped changed my life and proved to me that God is real, here, and has always been here. I actually heard Mattie Montgomery speak a sermon at Church 29:11 in Mount Olive, and it changed my mindset and gave me a new slate, with me flipping in a car the next day and facing death without being harmed.

   Since then, I went to a place called The Ramp and became radically changed, or so I thought. The build-up that started to many years before, stayed there and didn’t leave nor stop it’s momentum in my life.

   As October of last year rolled on, I met someone new. We ended up dating 6 months, and at times I thought she was “the one” before I was deceived and struck with a low-blow of her true feelings. The build-up got way worse after that and became apparent. The next part, only a few know of. After that relationship, I was so desperate and broken and hurt, that I gave myself away to someone else that I never even dated. As time passed, I talked to them still, occasionally, thus leading me to giving myself to her, a again, a couple months ago.

   That, ever since, was the ultimate blow in the build-up. Yes, I know, through all of this, I neglected the fact that the one I truly had to give myself and life to, was Christ. The build-up, along with a heavy, violent (emotion-wise) war with myself over flesh and lust and imperfection and feeling terrible, every time I did, led to what I’m about to say.

   What I’ve been calling the build-up, is one filled with sin and pain. The build-up, is the build-up of being so broken, to the point as to knowing I was broken, but didn’t feel the breaks. Lately, I’ve had my mind on my deployment that is near, and the fact that my life will be on the line daily, and have been scared of not feeling whole again or ever finding who God has for me.

   I’ve felt a wreck, a monster, constantly out on a search to find the one. I’ve felt imperfection run so deep, that I became numb to it, and succumbed to fear and letting things, including sin and myself, get the best of me.

   I’ve been full of knowledge of what it means to be a true Christ follower, but never truly followed. I’m writing this, because I felt I needed to be completely real and remove my mask, and break off these chains finally. From this point on, my heart is truly focused on God and only Him, knowing that I can’t do things on my own or in my own timing, but with Him and in His timing. Whoever my future wife may be, I want to be the man of God I’m called to be, before I meet her, so that there is no sense of rush or brokenness, just passion for God and Christ’s finished work that gave us victory. That’s why I haven’t dated anyone recently or have been not talking to girls as much as I used to. I have stopped focusing on girls, and focusing on God.

   Just know, I am declaring this post as a victory of finally letting it out, to be free of it. Thank you to anyone and everyone who has ever been praying for me or have prayed for me. This man is no longer broken and am finally at peace. I love you all, whether I know you like a best friend, or not. My Abba, Father loves everyone, so I shall as well, towards everyone, regardless of who they are.

6. :)

   So my time here in Cali is winding down. Last weekend at home in bama helped me alot. I can say I’m truly blessed to have the most amazing friends and family I could ask for. And I love how God speaks to me through me. Its weird I know. Alot of the times, my voice has been taking on the voice of God lately, letting his words come out instead of mine, and it feels weird because I don’t ever even think of what came out of my mouth until after it came out. I’m starting to see God move in several peoples’ lives, even if they don’t see it themselves, and it makes me stoked. You’d be amazing how much change you make when you plant even the smallest seed of hope and love within a person’s heart. This is more of a small rant, but I love writing out my thoughts. Alot of whats been spoken to me lately, which is what I’m working on myself, is the power of our tongues. The authority of our tongues can do so much as to determine our health or literally calm a storm or raise the dead or even heal others. We just never use them. They say life is what you make of it, which is true, especially when you’re speaking life into you instead of negativity and death.

7. So ready..

   I’m ever so ready to be home. I’ve grown ever more here, spiritually, and its amazing. I’ve seen some amazing parts of the country and met some amazing people that I’ll never forget, but I’m honestly wishing I was back home right now. I miss the sleepless nights of staying at Blake’s house, eating all of his food, sleeping on his couch, playing mortal kombat with him and watching random tv shows with him, I miss hanging with Steven, randomly riding around everywhere, playing xbox360 till we fell asleep, playing basketball at peoples’ houses, to even going to eat at random places, I miss hanging with Tom and talking about stuff from video games, to music, to God, I miss my sister and us randomly always going up to food world to get 25 cent cokes. Its crazy how much you miss all of these little things when you’ve been without them for so long. Man, to think of it, I’m so blessed, that some cannot comprehend it if I were to tell them. Only a week till I’m home for memorial day, then two weeks after, I’ll done here for good :)

1 Notes

8. I need to update more..

   Its been a bit since I’ve last been on here. I forreal need to quit procrastinating. Its weird going back and looking at my old posts and just see how much I’ve changed in the past two years, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally.

9. Some explaining.

   So I’m sure one would question why I finally changed my url on here on facebook and my twitter username. The reasoning behind it all goes back to the events of this past weekend at The Ramp. The best way to describe it is just life changing. If you’ve never been there, it will change your life and wreck your world. It will awaken you spiritually. It will ignite an unquenchable flame within your heart like never before. All of that has happened within me. The whole weekend, God was just constantly pouring into me, like crazy. Then, when I went through the fire tunnel, is where I was changed forever. It sent a fire within my life that will never leave. A sense and hunger to constantly want to talk to and about God, all the time. A hunger for a stronger relationship with God and to gain more intimacy with him. I’m finally a new creation, fully on fire for God. After all this time, I can finally say I’ve just begun a new journey in my life of truly following wherever God takes me. The whole xdarkxpriestx90 & xthexdarkxpriestx put a bit of darkness in my mind. It seems complicated, but to make this simple, the meaning of dark priest came from when my friends I hung with called me the priest since I was known as the “christian” kid or the “jesus freak”. What I didn’t notice about myself is that all of my life, I’ve never ever been anywhere near comfortable around anyone who was of the world, which automatically set me apart from the world. So the dark part came because I listened to heavy music, which some referred to it as dark music. Plus I was a backyard wrestler called The Dark Priest, which was totally inspired by WWE’s The Undertaker. So I was still calling myself a child of dark, instead of light, though I never noticed it. After this weekend, I felt led that I had to rid myself of that tag and name. So while thinking and praying on what to put, I came up with xflamexofxhopex. I chose that because I want to be a flame of hope to my generation. I want to be a flame that ignites this world that will cause the burning ones to arise with me and turn this nation and world over to God.

10. nathanedwards:

    fuckyeahpop-punk:

    This has nothing to do with pop punk, but I feel that the entire world needs to see this because I just laughed hysterically at it for the ENTIRE video. 

    Thanks for this hahah

    Hahaha wowww.

    (Source: fuckyeahpop-punk)

155 Notes
Reblogged: nathanedwards